Son making me nervous

Anonymous

Parenting

Son making me nervous

My 16 year old son has me a little worried and confused on how to proceed after this incident. Three days ago I did what I needed to do at work and came home early only to find my son having sexual intercourse with a girl in our living room. At first I couldn't really believe it so I was shocked and didn't know what to do. The girl looked at me and didn't say anything at first as if she was frozen too. It wasn't until my son saw me and yelled at me to get out of the house and used profanity as well that I left the house. I heard further swearing from my son and screams of panic from the girl. Not knowing what to do I decided to just get in my car and drive for about 20-30 minutes in hopes that the girl would have left. When I came back my son and the girl were nowhere to be seen and a note was left on the fridge saying that he was going to the gym. As I said this happened three days ago and we have not spoken about it. He comes home from school and goes straight to his room and eats dinner in quiet and goes back to his room. Being a single parent I am kind of on my own here and would appreciate some advice on how to tackle this situation in hopes that we can move forward. I understand that sex is a natural and beautiful thing but I am just a little worried that my son might not see it like that as the swearing and doing it in the living room on a school night would suggest. Any advice would be appreciated.

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aotimes4

0 32

I am willing to bet you scared the life out of him and the girl. I would just come right out with it at dinner. Tell him your piece and make sure he’s safe and understands the issues of consent. He is probably walking on egg shells waiting for the big explosion. Just make sure the talk is calm and relaxed.

As for his reaction, it’s not right, but I probably would have reacted the same way. His brain was probably in full on panic mode.

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optimistsnest

1 28

At 16, its not a beautiful thing, because neither one of em will be able to handle the consequence of it should things go a step further. He probably didn't expect you to be home at that time. Shame often drives people into an angry mode and i think that explains the yelling, etc. Later on guilt obviously crept in hence the isolation. He doesn't talk about it because he doesn't know what to say. You can initiate to talk about it. But he definitely owes you an apology for the way he reacted. Its unacceptable to any parent. I'm not speaking from a parental point, but from a child's point of view to their parent. If that were me, i would at least leave a note/text to my parent explaining myself and apologize for the inappropriate behavior. Hang in there! Sending you lots of love.

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Anonymous

0 63

i think you may just need to talk to him cause I think he is probably even feeling a bit insecure and unsure of what your going to do from the situation. You could jsut tell him that sex is a beautiful thing that is done out of love. Could add that you don't apreocate the screaming especially as it's not respect to you and to the young women. And to bring up protection and jsut leave it as I will leave this situation aside now as we have had this convo

Jsut so it gives him a piece of mind and he will start talking again and coming out of his room. This is what my mum did to me when she caught me with my boyfriend she didn't know how to react she did get a bit fearful and she talked to me a day later cause I was feeling embarrassed, guilt, ashamed, fear even. And she jsut told me how she felt, protection, etc I hope this helps it's a hard thing to come by

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suzieK

1 66

I have been 'busted' by my parents and the shame is so intense I still feel it - and I am 45years old! This was 23 years ago now.
I promise you he is definitely embarrassed.. probably mortified. I didn't talk to my parents about it, and I can honestly say I never will. It was so embarrassing!!
My advice is not really that useful sorry.. but just be honest and try to let it go, and just give him a cuddle like you usually would. Say your truth like "I can't think about last week anymore, you're my beautiful son, and as long as you are safe with your girlfriend - I will trust you". I wish my mum said that to me anyway.
My kids are still young, but I realise that it never gets easier. As my sister in law says.. when they hit teenage years.. "you know you're alive!"

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Queenie

1 68

That must have been a shock for all of you. I wonder if your son is feeling embarrassed and maybe a bit shamed by you seeing him in such an intimate position? I also have teenagers and have had to navigate this. I don't know your thoughts in relation to this but do sense you were shocked. I guess it is not an easy conversation to have as no one wants to talk to their mother about their sex life! Did you? At 16 he is of consenting age. I spoke to my teenagers about age of consent for both parties, respect and the 'No means no' point. I also raised that the issue of privacy was not just for them but for others living at home. I also bought condoms- which in the end weren't used as they had their own (which made me reassured that they had thought about this). My thinking was that I couldn't tell them not to have sex as they were of consenting age and hormone driven teenagers. I could simply reinforce some of my thoughts in terms of safety, consent and respect.

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