Depression and mental illness in Australia are not uncommon and initiatives like SameBoat and R U OK? Day have helped to get people talking, but what happens when someone comes to you asking for help?
1 in 5 Australians will suffer from a mental illness this year, so it’s likely that someone you know will be affected and need support.
We all know that having a supportive person there to give us encouragement can make all the difference, but do we know how to be that caring person? It can be tough to ask questions but avoiding the subject is far worse.
If someone comes to you looking for support regarding depression or mental illness, it’s important to be prepared. Here is a list of helpful things to say and do if the situation arises.
SHOW THAT YOU CARE
Anxiety and depression are debilitating and isolating illnesses that can leave the sufferer feeling alone and unsure. If someone comes to you complaining of mental illness, it’s pivotal that you show them you care. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, like “How long have you felt this way?” or “What can I do to help?, as it shows genuine compassion. This act of empathy can help the sufferer to feel less alone and more supported, which may encourage them to further explore the issue.
ACKNOWLEDGE THE ISSUE
It’s important to remember that these kinds of illnesses are not cured overnight, it takes constant reassurance and support. If a friend comes to you divulging that they have been having suicidal thoughts, acknowledge the enormous bravery that it took to come forward. Admitting that you have a problem is an incredibly intimidating and stressful thing to do, and by showing that you understand this can help to alleviate some of the stress involved.
Demonstrate that you understand mental illness to be a destructive condition, but not an incurable one.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND
Do your best to relate to the issue and really empathise with their situation. Putting yourself in their shoes can help you to gain an understanding of what it means to suffer from a mental illness. Let the sufferer know that what they are feeling is not uncommon and they are not less of a person for feeling so.
Just remember to be honest. If you don’t understand, that’s ok. Sometimes, just showing that you want to understand is enough to help a mental illness sufferer. Often, people who are struggling with depression and self-loathing feel as though they are unworthy of support, or that they are becoming a burden, but your empathy and understanding can help change this.
LISTEN
Lastly and most importantly, listen. When a sufferer comes forward and admits they have been struggling to a friend or family member, rarely are they searching for advice. More often than not, they are simply looking for an opportunity to share how they have been feeling and find some support. Avoid the temptation to give advice. By trying to give advice too early, it can come across as ingenuine and unempathetic.
The first meeting is all about listening. Let them tell you everything they have to say, as they may just be looking for catharsis through admission. Answer questions when asked, but don’t be afraid to just sit and listen. Often this act can be enough for a sufferer to realise that there are people out there who can hear their cries.
AFTER THE TALK
RESEARCH
If you’re reading this, chances are you aren’t a mental health professional and you don’t know everything there is to know about mental illness, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn. If a friend or family member comes to you admitting they have been struggling, do your research. Take the time to learn what symptoms, causes and effects the illness may have, and what methods are best at treating them. Don’t lump it in the “too hard” pile, this is a chance for you to show that you care by putting the effort in.
CHECK UP
Never think that just because you’ve had one meaningful chat, that the problem is solved. As mentioned before, mental illness is a condition that is not cured quickly and the emphasis is on constant reassurance. Don’t be afraid to check up on them and ask how they’re doing or if they have thought about treatment. Demonstrate that you are committed to helping them help themselves, and you will both reap the benefits of effective mental health communication.
FINAL WORD
Admitting that you have been struggling with depression or mental illness is an incredibly difficult thing to do. If someone has come to you to talk, recognise not only how brave that decision is, but also the responsibility you as the listener now have. Be sensitive and be supportive. You must remember that your encouragement can mean the difference between life and death.
Have a think about you and your friends, if you were suffering from depression would you find it easy to talk with them? Make an effort to check on their well-being and always remind them that you are there for them, because if it was you under duress, you’d want that support too.
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