Matty Curnow is a Mental Health Advocate with a goal to inspire, educate and help remove the stigma of Mental Health through the sharing of his personal journey. The blog post below details how Matty uses Ultra-Marathons and running as a way to conquer his inner demons and promote good Mental Health.
"To anyone who needs some reassurance, please let me tell you a story about my day today.
Today I ran in an ultra-marathon. 56km of gruelling hills upwards of 2000m of elevation. It was wet and windy, and it takes every ounce of strength, mentally and physically. As any runner will tell you, it's more mental.
Twelve months ago, I ran the same race, I was in the peak of dissociative anxiety disorder and fighting that black dog from ending my life. I had been doing some training to get me back into what I used to love to do, run! I had run some road half marathons and smaller ultras when I was completely blanketing what was happening in my head.
I signed up last year to do this 56km run. In the lead up I was suicidal, I was petrified of my own mind and I could barely drag myself outta bed. But something inside me said, do it, it's either die like I am now or stand and fight.
The run was brutal, I cried, I yelled, and I was a wreck. I was all alone as I was so far behind in the race, I could have easily of given up. Who cares right? The old me would have been like’ f*ck this, I'm getting drunk’ but this flame inside was burning. I don't care how crazy that sounds, we all have a flame and it's up to us to make that flame burn! To put it into perspective, the cut off for the race is 10 hours 30 minutes, I came in at 10 hours 27 minutes. I was utterly exhausted, I swore I was having a heart attack and I thought I had lost my mind.
I got home and for one of the first times ever I was proud of myself for sticking something out. And not just anything….but a gruelling 10 hour-long run.
For the next 12 months I dedicated myself to running, it always makes me feel better. I joined a running club, and I trained most weekend in the hills. I like road running but trail running is definitely my thing. I slowly started to build confidence, it made me feel alive and proud, it brought me closer to nature and new people.
Well 12 months on, today the race was again. I woke up at 5am and the first thing I did was meditate. Start the day right, get the head in a great place. I had everything ready the night before and off I went. I stuck to my game plan for the run, and I was very gentle on myself as these longs runs can let the anxiety run rife.
I came in with a massive Personal Best. I ran it in 7 hours 54 minutes. 2 hours 33 minutes faster than last year. If anyone ever tells you that Mental Health doesn't affect your physical strength, I think they must be mistaken.
I'm not shy of saying I'm proud of myself. I have dedicated the last 16 months to self-development and being a better person. To see the hard work not just physically but mentally pay off was amazing. I felt like I'd accomplished something.
I used to be quite the lad, so when I tell people I meditate, read self-help books, don't go out much and that I'm into spiritual healing and yoga, it's quite a shock for some. But I can tell you more than anyone, that all these good things you do for yourself add up. And the best thing is you can start anytime. If you're in a place in life that upsets you and your wishing for a change, know that you have the ability to change it. You need to look at life from another perspective to find the answer. When I started working on myself, things were coming up that I had no idea I needed to change.
Now I'm in a good place, I'm embracing life! Sure, my anxiety is still there, but now I can manage it like I never ever thought possible."
- MattyC
This blog post was originally published on mindthenoise.com and has been republished with slight adjustments with the permission of the author, Matty Curnow.
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