There’s no one “right” way to feel after sexual abuse or assault, and no correct timeline for processing it. Some survivors know immediately that what happened was wrong. Others spend years working out how to name it, especially if it happened as a child, or at the hands of someone they trusted, or in a situation that doesn’t match the stories we’re told about what abuse “looks like.” Whatever your experience has been, and however long it’s taken you to get here, you belong in this space.
The confusion is common, not a sign something is wrong with you
Survivors often describe feeling things that seem contradictory — anger and love for the same person, guilt for something that was never their responsibility, numbness in some moments and overwhelming distress in others, or confusion about whether what happened even “counts.” None of that means you’re reacting incorrectly. Abuse is often confusing specifically because it happens within relationships that also involved trust, family ties, or care, and those tangled feelings are a completely normal response to a situation that was never okay to begin with.
Self-blame is one of the most common reactions, and also one of the most undeserved. Whatever the circumstances — what you were wearing, what you’d had to drink, whether you said no clearly enough, whether you “let” it happen, how long you stayed silent, or stayed in contact with the person afterward — responsibility for abuse sits with the person who chose to abuse. Full stop.
Disclosure at your own pace
Some survivors need to talk about what happened in detail before they can move forward. Others need to talk around it, or not talk about specifics at all, for a long time or ever. Both are valid ways of processing. If you’re not ready to share details here or anywhere else, that’s not something you owe anyone, including people trying to help you. Healing isn’t dependent on telling the full story on someone else’s timeline.
Support helps, even if it feels far away right now
Professional support — trauma-informed counselling, a GP who can refer you appropriately, or a specialist sexual assault service — makes a real difference for most survivors, even when the idea of reaching out feels overwhelming or pointless right now. You don’t need police involvement, a clear memory of every detail, or certainty about what you want to happen next in order to access support. You’re allowed to seek help for how you’re feeling without having decided anything else.
If someone has disclosed to you
If a friend, partner, or family member has told you about abuse, the most helpful response is usually the simplest: believe them, thank them for telling you, and let them lead on what happens next. Avoid pressing for details they haven’t offered, and avoid taking action (like confronting someone or involving authorities) without their consent, unless there’s an immediate safety concern. Your steady, non-judgmental presence matters more than having the right thing to say.
Support is available right now
- 1800RESPECT — 1800 737 732 (24/7 national sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling, Australia)
- Bravehearts — 1800 272 831 (support for survivors of child sexual abuse and their families)
- Blue Knot Foundation — 1300 657 380 (support for adult survivors of childhood trauma and abuse)
- Full Stop Australia — 1800 385 578 (24/7 support for people impacted by sexual, domestic, and family violence)
- Lifeline — 13 11 14 (24/7 crisis support)
If you’re outside Australia, please look up your local sexual assault support service — most countries have a free, confidential line available any time.
You don’t need to have it all figured out to reach out. Just telling someone is enough of a start.