I’ve had mental health issues all of my adult life. I’ve tried therapy, anti depressants, even changing my life circumstances believing stress was the origin. Anti depressants in particular were useless. Now I can’t get off them. My main ‘symptom’ was self criticism - it was literally non-stop. Every mirror, meeting, every sport was an opportunity for my critics to berate me. I was finally diagnosed with ADHD and did everything in my power to deny it. I told myself everyone has ADHD these days, I wasn’t ‘hyper’, I wasn’t what I thought ADHD was (think kid on Red Bull). Finally, reluctantly I agreed to try meds. From about 30 mins after taking my first tablet the critics fell silent and hav never returned. This wasn’t a placebo effect (given my anti depressant experience I didn’t think they’d work). I played golf that day and bad shots weren’t because I was a completely useless person (just a crap golfer!). The journey to find the right meds was a punish with side effects from every different table (headaches, stomach upsets, insomnia). I suffered them all gladly. I would suffer anything to have the relationship with myself (I know that sounds corny) that I have today. ADHD presents in a huge variety of ways. Having one name for so many ‘presentations’ probably isn’t helpful. But if you feel exaggerated reactions to everything, you measure yourself against everyone (and come out feeling less than them), if you’re terrified of rejection, then you could shut all of that up by simply taking the first step. No one says you have to go thru with it. Your ADHD will fight for it’s survival and tell you all sorts of things to stop you from killing it. Don’t listen. Hopefully you’ll find a way of shutting them up like I have. Good luck, and please talk to others in the same boat - it really helps.
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I have recognised myself in this statement more than I can explain. Thanks for sharing.